Risotto in a slow cooker? Prepare to faint.

Risotto is a simple rice dish at its most basic, but its elaborate cooking procedure requires nano-second timing and perpetual stirring that can wear out even an Incredible Hulk-sized bicep before the rice is even half-cooked.

That may be why restaurants pride themselves on their ability to turn out perfect risotti, and also why Hell’s Kitchen contestants have more trouble cooking a risotto than with any other single dish. While the chefs manage  perfectly-done Beef Wellingtons by the dozens and torch creme brulees shoulder-to-shoulder in the world’s most chaotic kitchen, it’s the rice that brings the contestants to their knees.

I’ve frequently joked that the dumpster behind the Hell’s Kitchen restaurant is probably mostly loaded with trash bags bursting with risotto, as I’ve seen chef Gordon Ramsay dump out pan after pan of the contestants’ poorly cooked rice dishes.

Rice can be tricky in the slow cooker too, but with just a little hands-on work –considerably less than with a traditional risotto, but more than some slow cooker recipes– you can turn out perfectly-textured rice. Part of the trick is to use converted rice (quick-cooking rice), which may irritate purists who insist on Arborio for risotto, but they’ll already be popping a vein that you’re using a crock-pot anyway.

Placate the snobbish by calling it something else: steamed rice should chill them out, but it’s an awfully mundane name for a dish that’s proof that epicurean results can come out of the slow cooker. You could also consider this a sort of sublime tuna casserole, elevated to its highest form.

Whatever you call it, prepare for a creamy-textured rice dish that’s a slow cooker quickie with just an hour of cook time.

Slow Cooker Risotto with Fresh Tuna and Basil Recipe

Ingredients:

2 Tbsp melted butter
2-3 green onions, chopped
3 cups very hot vegetable stock
1 cup uncooked converted rice
1/2 cup white wine
Freshly ground black pepper
1 lb. fresh tuna, cubed
1/4 cup snipped fresh basil

Directions: Combine butter, onions, stock, rice, wine and pepper in the crock of your slow cooker and stir. Cover and cook on high for 45 minutes. Remove lid and stir in tuna, then cook for an additional 15 minutes, or until tuna is just cooked. Turn off the slow cooker and let sit for five minutes. Remove lid and stir in basil. Fluff with a fork and serve immediately. Serves two.

Tuna risotto makes a light supper-in-a-bowl for two, or you can serve it to four as a starter or side dish.

Perhaps someday you’ll be a contestant on Hell’s Kitchen. I can’t wait to see the string of curses Chef Ramsay unleashes when you produce your crock-pot. But the proof is in the pudding, or in this case, the risotto.

But I rarely think of the artichoke in its entirety, and I even more rarely think about its family. The artichoke, you see, is a thistle. Thistles are prickly plants with sharp surfaces to counter-attack hungry herbivores (like us.)

The artichoke is an edible thistle, but if we didn’t slice off those prickly points from the bud portion and eat it, it would grow into a spectacular purple flower. Perhaps that’s the reason for the flesh-wounding tips: a gift as precious as the one inside each artichoke bud –whether it becomes a lovely bloom or a meal for you to savor– is one well worth protecting.

An artichoke in full bloom. (Cat Dancing/Creative Commons License)

That’s why I wanted to concoct a slow cooker recipe that glorifies the artichoke instead of strangling it in cheese or butter, like Americans are so often apt to do. In Spain they know how to treat an artichoke, sauteeing them simply with a dab of garlic, or sprinkling the young ones lightly with olive oil and leaving them to roast slowly in the ashes of a fire.

This slow cooker chicken dish is lightly seasoned, with just enough herbs, white wine, and olive oil to bring out the taste of the artichokes themselves.

Chicken and artichokes, simply seasoned.

Slow Cooker Chicken with Artichokes Recipe

Ingredients:

4 chicken breasts
3 cups artichoke hearts, fresh or frozen
1/4 cup kalamata olives (about 12)
3 cloves garlic, chopped roughly
1 tsp herbes de Provence
1/2 cup chicken broth
1/2 cup white wine or dry vermouth
Juice of 1/2 lemon
1 Tsp olive oil

Directions: Arrange chicken breasts and artichokes in the crock of your slow cooker. Top with kalamata olives and sprinkle with herbs and garlic. Pour wet ingredients over the top, drizzling the olive oil last, and stir just a little to combine ingredients if necessary. Cook on low for 6-8 hours, or high for 3-4 hours, until chicken is cooked through.

Serve with a Greek salad, or a simple green salad sprinkled with feta, and warm pita bread.

Keep in kind that the thistle is an ancient Celtic symbol of nobility, and the wounding of one demands punishment. If anyone lifts the lid of your slow cooker while you cook your artichokes, feel free to mete out that punishment in the name of the Order of the Thistle.

The hearty-yet-decadent Chicken Chasseur

Some of the dishes that have been around the block are classics for a reason, and they continue to impress generation after generation. A case in point is Chicken Chasseur, which may be one of the oldest recipes on record, dating back to the year 1300 when it was recorded in a manuscript along with other general knowledge.

The Medieval version was called “Chicken Hunter Style,” and it called for a freshly roasted hen to be boiled with garlic, broth, wine, lard, and gizzards. Today we (thankfully) hold the lard and the gizzards, opting instead to use butter and herbs for flavor, but we still drool over Chicken Chasseur (chasseur is French for “hunter.”)

Today’s version is an earthy dish with ingredients that still evoke the forest that was the hunter’s domain: fresh poultry, field mushrooms, just-picked herbs. Slowly simmered in wine and garlic, the flavors are primevally rustic, yet decadently French.

To adapt Chicken Chasseur for the slow cooker, I lowered the traditional amount of liquid and slightly upped the flour. Slow cooking keeps in the moisture and doesn’t allow for evaporation, so the reduction of the sauce has to be rigged. Starting with a thicker base means the sauce will have the consistency of a reduction without the hassle of pan-reducing.

Slow Cooker Chicken Chasseur Recipe

4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
4 tablespoons butter
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 small red onion, chopped
3/4 cup chicken broth
6 tbsp. white wine or vermouth
1 tbsp. flour
salt and pepper
1 cup diced tomatoes, well drained
1 tbsp. fresh thyme (or 1 tsp. dried)
12 oz fresh mushrooms, sliced

Directions: Melt butter in a large skillet, then add chicken breasts and sear on each side until lightly browned, about five minutes on each side. Remove chicken and set aside. Add garlic and onions to pan and cook for a few minutes, just until softened; turn off heat. In the crock of your slow cooker, whisk together broth, wine, flour, salt, and pepper until well blended. Stir in the contents of the saute pan, including any remaining  butter. Add the rest of the ingredients and mix well.

Lay the chicken breasts on top of the mixture and cook on low for 2-3 hours or high for 1-1 1/2 hours, until chicken is cooked through. Remove the lid about 20 minutes before serving if you would like to further reduce the sauce.

Tips: If you’re pressed for time, you can add all the ingredients to the pot without searing the chicken or softening the veggies first. You will sacrifice a dab of consistency, and you’ll need to be sure the onions are on the bottom so they’ll cook well.

Guzzled up all the white wine? Use vermouth, which you might be more likely to just have around as a holdover from last month’s martini party.

To make the getting-on-the-table even quicker, serve with rustic bread and a salad-in-a-bag of mixed field greens.

I served my Chicken Chasseur with skin-on, roughly mashed potatoes with fresh sage, to keep the theme provincial. Hunks of bread are in order to sop up the sauce, which is the highlight of the dish. You’ll want to save any leftover mushroom mixture to heat up and serve on toast tomorrow (Perhaps with a smidge of goat cheese? Hmmmmm.)

Just look at that wine-y, buttery juice!